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成功改变8种不良思维方式

时间:2014-06-27 21:23:09  来源:  作者:

 8 Destructive thinking patterns and how to change them
成功改变8种不良思维方式
Steven Aitchison
史蒂夫 艾奇逊
It can be extremely difficult to focus on the good when, seemingly, bad things are happening in your life. However you can train your mind to focus on the good things in your life rather than dwelling on the bad. No it’s not one of those positive thinking articles that you’ve read all over the web and are sick and tired of. This is about changing the way you think, changing your thinking pattern. Do you use any of these thinking patterns in your day to day life?
是否曾感到过生活的阴霾挥之不去,是否总会深陷于痛苦而难以自拔?我们不防尝试着转换一下思维方式,或许会峰回路转,柳暗花明。网络上流传了很多宣扬积极疗法的文章,而这里我们提倡地是在潜移默化中逐渐转变思维方式。下面列举的8种不良思维方式会常常出现在你的日常生活中吗?
8 limiting patterns of thinking
8种不良思维方式
‘Life is shit’ Thinking pattern –Everything in life is bad, everybody is not to be trusted and nothing good will ever happen to them e.g. “I won’t get that job, the interviewer didn’t like me, I didn’t particularly like them anyway.”
思维方式1 ‘人生一团糟’———生活中的一切都不尽如人意,难以信任他人,认为生活必然是一团糟。例如,“我是不会得到那份工作的,因为招聘者不认可我,况且我也不太喜欢他们。”
‘Unsubstantiated conclusive’ Thinking pattern– You tend to make a lot of conclusions without any evidence to back up your conclusions. This can be a really destructive pattern as it can limit you in seeing reality for what it is e.g. “He walks a bit funny, he must be gay.” (I actually heard someone saying this about a colleague last week).
思维方式2 “毫无根据的总结”——常常会做一些总结性而毫无根据的论断。这种思维方式会掩盖事实的真相。如有的人评论他人时说“他的走路方式很有意思,他肯定是个同性恋。”(上周我听到有人这样讨论一位同事)。
‘Never to me’ Thinking pattern – This is when you think nothing good will ever happen to you. This can be a deep seated way of thinking and it is a deep down inability to believe you are worthy of anything good happening to you e.g. “I’ll never have money, I’ve never had it before so I’ll never have it in the future, might as well carry on with this shitty job, at least it pays the mortgage.”
思维方式3 “否定自我”——这种思维方式往往会根深蒂固,深信自己永远与成功失之交臂。如“我不可能拥有很多财富,过去没有,将来的我也不会拥有。所以我还是好好地干好这份工作,至少它还能帮我付贷款。”
‘The negative psychic’ Thinking pattern – Presuming you know what people are thinking about you and it’s all bad. e.g. “She thinks I’m an idiot, I’ll try to avoid talking to her.”
思维方式4 “消极心理”——认定别人对自己的看法都是不好的,不利的。例如,“她一定认为我是个白痴,所以我今后要避开她,不与之交谈”。
‘Should, would, could’ Thinking pattern – This type of person knows what they have to do to change their life, they are capable and they know it and they would do it if only……… e.g. “I know I could go to university and I would, but I’m just to busy with other things right now, I’ll apply next year.”
思维方式5 “我将,我会,我可以”——不断计划而不付诸实际行动。在改变现状时,他们知道自己需要做什么?该怎样做?有能力并且坚信将来能够实现。例如“我以后要上大学,我一定能实现,只是我现在还很忙,明年我将会付诸行动。”
‘Emotion based’ Thinking pattern – Your emotions control what you are thinking and therefore your vision of what reality is e.g. “I feel incapable of doing that so I must be incapable”.
思维方式6 “基于感性”——由感性控制思维。例如“我感到自己胜任不了,真的,所以我一定完成不了任务。”
‘It’s all my fault’ Thinking pattern – You see yourself as being the cause of everything bad that has happened e.g. “It’s my fault he left me for another woman.” You’ll notice this type of person does not take responsibility for the good things that happen.
思维方式7 “一切过错皆由我起”——无论什么事情发生了变故后,都认为是自己的过错,哪怕是代人受过。例如:“他之所以离开我而与别的女人在一起,是因为我做的不够好。”你会发现有这种想法的人决不会。
‘They’re all wrong’ Thinking pattern – You see everyone as incapable of doing anything right and your way is the best way to do it e.g. “He can’t do it right, I’ll stay late tonight and fix it when he’s gone.”
思维方式8 “别人都是错的”——对他人的能力抱怀疑态度,而自大的认为只有自己的做法才是最好的。“他不可能做对,我会待到晚上,等他走后再修改一下。”
These are just some of the common thinking patterns I have come across in my life and I have used some of them myself, I used to use mix the ‘Never to me’ and ‘The negative psychic’ thinking patterns about everything, “She’ll never go out with me she thinks I’m an idiot.” I made a conscious effort to change what I believed about myself and what I believed about the world and it has literally changed my life.
这些思维方式很普遍,都是我在生活中曾经遇到过的。我曾经尝试过自己使用,总会将“否定自我”和“消极心理”混淆起来。“在她眼里,我是白痴,她一定不会接受我的邀请。”我下意识地使自己改变这种想法以及对世界的固有看法,最后真得改变了自己。
How to change the destructive thinking patterns
如何转变这些固有的思维方式?
The first stage of changing is to recognise the problem – You will find a lot of people in life who just don’t think there is a problem so there is no need to change. If this is you then do nothing. If you want to change you must think there is a need and you will start to recognise what things need to change and it usually starts with your perception of life. Everybody’s perception of life is different, therefore everyone’s reality is different. I don’t live in the same world as you and you don’t live in the same world as me. That might sound a strange concept to some people, but think about it for a few minutes, it could change the way you see the world. I’ll give you an example:
第一步:认清问题——相当一部分人难以发现自身存在的问题,所以会固执地认为改变自己是多此一举。但如果你已经发现问题并且下定决心去改变,那么就要开始关注症结所在。改变人生观将是你迈开的第一步。世界上没有相同的两片叶子。在这个千姿百态的社会里,每个人的人生观、世界观不尽相同。正视这个问题才能更好地改变自己,形成正确的世界观。例如:
In 2004 I took a redundancy package from my place of employment and received about £10,000 for my troubles, not a lot at all when I was earning £25,000 a year when I left. I was speaking to my friend about it and he thought I was absolutely nuts to do it, especially since I was married with two children. I explained to him how free I felt and what plans I had to start an online book dealing business and my wife was right behind me. He still thought I was crazy. My perception of the world was one of opportunity, life was great and I was free from the rat race for a while and I would get to see my wife and children a lot more than I had, I was ecstatic and if it didn’t work out I had a lot of skills to offer another employer. My friends perception was one of doom and gloom, he needed the security of a full time job even though he hated it and was working 12 hours per day. It turns out I worked at it for 1 year made a good profit but gave it up due to a huge downturn in business. At the end of it I was still optimistic as I knew I was good enough to get another job until I could do something else.
2004年我从公司辞职并且获得了1万英磅的补偿费。这个费用和过去每年挣25英磅比起来是微不足道的。而当我的朋友知道后,他非常不能理解,因为我已经是有两个孩子的父亲。可是我告诉他丢下工作的我一身轻松,并且计划好进行网上售书。更让我欣慰的是,我的妻子一直在背后默默地支持着我。尽管如此,我的朋友依然认为我很疯狂。
但是我这样做是在给自己一次机会,因为生活对我来说很重要。当我从残酷的事业竞争中解脱出来时,当我不必再为了蝇头小利而争得头破血流时,我可以有更多地时间来照顾妻儿。为此,我感到非常幸福。假使有一天我创业失败了,但我依然有很多技能来为别人打工。而我的朋友认为这样做的前景不容乐观。能有一份稳定的全职工作,哪怕不喜欢或者每天连续工作12小时也好的。一年后的确有了不少回报,但是在经历了低迷期后,我毅然选择了放弃。自始至终我都保持乐观的态度,因为我相信在做其他事情前我仍有能力再获得另一份工作。
Everybody’s view of the world is different and it all comes down to the thinking patterns you use in your daily life. If you think life is wonderful you will notice the wonderful things in your life, if you think life is shit you will find shit things about life. Change your thoughts and you literally change the world you are living in. First you have to recognise your destructive thinking pattern.
世界观的差异会造成人们日常思维方式的不同。当你认为生活绚烂多姿时,你会发现生活充满乐趣;反之,你的世界将是灰白的。改变你的想法才能改变这个世界。而首当其冲地就是认清自己有哪些不良思维方式。
The second stage is to be aware of when you are using the destructive thinking patterns – We can employ different thinking patterns depending on what we are doing in life. For example you could use a positive thinking pattern at work as you are very confident in your ability and yet use a destructive one when it comes to looking for love. Recognising when you use destructive thinking patterns can help you to change that pattern. Now that you have recognised when you use the destructive thinking patterns it is now time to change it.
第二步:意识到这些思维方式何时发生——不同的行为会产生不同的思维方式。例如有的人在工作时表现得相当自信,所以习惯使用积极的思维方式;但是面临情感问题时,却总是很悲观。只有意识自己何时会进行这些思维方式才能更好地转换。现在你是不是已经意识到了呢,那该开始改变了。
The third stage is to replace the bad with the good – This is something that you don’t do immediately. You don’t say to yourself ‘I’ll never be able to do that”, which is you old thinking pattern, to “Oh yes I can”. That won’t work. You have to let the old pattern die slowly whilst slowly introducing your new improved thinking pattern. Here an example:
第三步:用好的思维方式取而代之——这一步不能立即见效。过去习惯对自己说:“我永远不能”,那么现在我对自己说“我一定可以。”仅仅这样是不能奏效的。在那些顽固不化的思维方式彻底消失前,只有自己努力转换思维方式,才能使旧的思维方式逐渐被取代。例如:
You are out in a club and you want to talk to someone you are attracted to. Your thoughts are “ She’ll never talk to me, she’s gorgeous.” You will immediately recognise this pattern of thinking and tell yourself something good about yourself e.g. “I’m good at _______(FILL IN THE BLANK), it can be anything. This will not immediately help your situation but it will slowly begin to change your old destructive thinking pattern with a new one.
在俱乐部,你想与一位美女攀谈。一闪而过的想法是“她真是美若天仙,跟她交谈是痴心妄想。”而这时你将立即发现自己产生了固定思维,这时需要提醒自己换一个角度想问题。“我也很出类拔萃,我擅长_______”。这或许会立即帮助你走出困境,并且渐渐地改变那些固有思维方式。
This stage takes place over time and is not done immediately. The best time to change a destructive thinking pattern is to let it run it’s course and slowly replace it with a thinking pattern that is better for you. I know people want a microwave life, stick it in the micro and it’s ready in 3 minutes, your life is not like that and you cannot change in 1 day, unless something drastic happens.
这个阶段是潜移默化的,不会立杆见影。改变思维方式的最佳时间是当它不知不觉开始时,用一种适合方式进行改变。有很多人想拥有一种“微波生活”,放入微波只需3分钟就能改变。但生活很难在1天内改变,除非有重大的事情发生。但你也可以一次改变几种思维方式。
You can work on more than 1 destructive thinking pattern at a time.

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