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如何把你的作文修改到极致和完美?

时间:2010-10-22 18:11:20  来源:  作者:

本文将对剑桥6后面的第一套中的大作文,剑桥大学考官的给出的分数是7分。本文将对这篇文章用最精准的雅思作文评分体系和作者对作文的理解,将其巧妙的修改成9分,供各位作文爱好者共同分享。
剑桥雅思大作文真题
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

雅思考生7分样卷
Nowadays, there are lots of advertisements on television or on the streets. Some people think that the advertising boosts the sales of goods and it encourages people to buy things unnecessarily. This arguments may be true. In my country, many advertising companies produce advertisements with famous and popular actors or singers. People, especially youngsters, buy goods that their favourite singer advertise, although they do not really need the products.

Also, on the television screen, a product may look gorgeous and good quality. As a result of it, people often buy goods without enough consideration. Consumers may not actually need it but they buy goods impulsively soon after they watch the advertising. Furthermore, as many customers buy a particular product due to its advertising campaign, the other people may be affected by the trend, even if the product is not of the real needs of the society.
On the other hand, there are various aspects against these arguments. Moreover, it is people’s choice to make a decision to buy goods. Advertising may be not a cause of customers’ buying habits. Individuals have their own spending habits. If they have got enough disposable income, then the right to make a decision is given to them. No one actually can judge whether the goods sold are the real needs of the society or not.
In addition, as there should be a limited amount of disposable income consumers are able to spend, people try to allocate their budgets. They cannot be simply swayed by those advertisements.
In conclusion, as customers have their own strong opinions and standard of good quality goods, it is better to leave them to make their own decision in buy goods. It is fairly difficult to say everyone is swayed by advertising and buy good impulsively. However, in advertising to those children as children have not got enough ability to control themselves or to know what they need.
可修改为:
Nowadays, it is common to see advertisements on television or on billboards in the streets. Some people think that advertising boosts the sales of goods and encourages people to buy things they do not necessarily need. This argument contains some truth. In my country, advertising companies often produce advertisements featuring popular actors or singers to induce people, especially youngsters, to acquire goods which their favourite actor or singer seems to endorse, whether they need the products or not.
On the one hand, on the television screen a product is always made to look attractive and of good quality. As a result, people often purchase such goods upon impulse. Furthermore, as the number of consumers of a particular product increases under the impact of a persistent advertising campaign, others may be drawn into the trend, creating a large market for products which do not satisfy the real needs of society.
On the other hand, there are various counterarguments to these objections: The decision to make a purchase is a matter of personal choice. Advertising may not be the main cause of consumption habits. Individuals have their own preferences, and if they have enough disposable income it is entirely up to them how they use it. Also, it is doubtful if anyone can have the authority to judge whether goods for sale are really needed by society or not. Finally, as there is always only a limited amount of disposable income for anyone, people try to manage their budgets as best as they can. Advertising can seldom persuade people to spend money that they need for more urgent things, or to spend money that they do not have (for instance, by buying in installments).
In conclusion, as buyers have their own strong opinions and views on what constitutes good quality and on what they need and do not need, it is better to leave them to make their own decisions. It is difficult to claim that everyone is swayed by advertising and always makes purchases impulsively. However, it is a good idea to put restraints on advertising aimed at children and inexperienced youngsters. Otherwise, they might be persuaded to buy goods that they do not need, or to spend money that they do not have!

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