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维持友谊的八大法则

时间:2011-05-11 07:51:32  来源:  作者:

维持友谊:八种方法增强联系
Ancient philosophers and scientists agree: Strong social ties are a key to happiness. You need close, long-term relationships; you need to be able to confide in others; you need to belong; you need to get and give support. Studies show that if you have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter you’re far more likely to describe yourself as “very happy.” Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression.
古代的哲学家和科学家一致同意牢固的社会关系是幸福的关键。人都需要亲密而长期的人际关系,有人能够信赖,归属感,支持别人也给予别人支持。众多研究显示有5个或5个以上能够讨论重要事情的朋友的人比别人更可能形容自己“很幸福”。 稳固的人际关系不仅能让人更能享受生活,研究还显示它还能延长寿命(难以置信,但是它的作用比戒烟更有效果),提高免疫力和降低得抑郁症的可能性。
It can be challenging to make the first overtures of friendship, but once you have the beginnings of a friendship, how do you proceed? How do you keep a friendship going? Here are some strategies that I use:
拉开一段新友谊的序曲是一件具有挑战力的事情。但是当你开始了一段新友谊,你如何让它进行下去呢?又如何维持它呢?下面是我使用的一些策略:
1. Use Facebook, Twitter, or other social media. One of the biggest obstacles to keeping friendships going is time. It takes time to email, to call, to make plans, to send holiday cards, to remember birthdays. For that reason, I love social media. Some people argue that technology hurts friendships, because it encourages people to stay tapping behind a computer screen rather than see people face to face. At the extreme, this is a bad thing, but for me, at least, technology lets me keep in touch with more friends in a wildly more efficient way. I feel more up to date, I feel a stronger sense of connection.
1. 使用Facebook, Twitter 或者其他的社会媒体。时间是阻碍维持友谊的最大的障碍之一。发邮件,打电话,制定计划,发送贺卡以及记住生日,这些都需要时间来执行。也因为这个原因,我喜欢社会媒体。有些人可能会说科技损害了友谊,因为它,人们更喜欢在电脑屏幕前打字交流而不是面对面的见面。对极端分子来说,科技是损害了友谊,但对我来说。它至少让我与更多的朋友更好的保持着联系。我更能跟上时代,更能感觉到与别人的联系。
2. Show up. Nothing can replace seeing someone in person. Go to a party, go to a wedding, go to a funeral, visit a newborn baby, make a date for lunch, stop by someone’s desk. Make the effort. But because it can be tough to make time for friends, one strategy can be to …
2.露面。没有任何事情能取代与人亲自见面。你可以参加一个聚会或葬礼,探视一个新生的婴儿,约会吃个午餐或者在别人的桌子前面驻留。尝试努力一下,因为为朋友腾出时间是比较困难的。一个策略可以用来……
3. Join or start a group. I’ve joined or started eleven groups since I began my happiness project, and almost all of them (particularly my children’s literature reading groups) have been huge engines of happiness—in large measure, because they’ve allowed me to make and maintain new friendships. It turns out that seeing a person once every six weeks is plenty to keep a friendship alive. Meeting in a group is efficient, because you see a lot of people at once; it also means you’re creating a social network, not just a one-off friendship. It’s a lot easier to maintain friendships with people if you have several friends in common.
3.参加或者创办一个小组。自从开始我的幸福项目后,我一共参加和创办的了11个小组。在很大程度上,几乎所有小组(尤其是我孩子们的文学阅读小组)都是幸福强有力的发动机。他们使得我能够结交朋友并且维持友谊。实践证明保持一段友谊的活跃只需要每隔六个星期见一次面已经足够。在一个小组里见面时很有效的的方法,因为你一下子可以见到很多人。参加小组也意味着你创建了一个社会网络,而不是一次性的友谊。如果有几个共同朋友,友谊会更好维持。
4. Think about what’s fun for you. People like to socialize in different ways. Maybe your friends like to go out drinking on Friday nights, or to go to the movies, but if that’s not fun for you, suggest different plans. Take charge of shaping your social environment. Some social people become exhausted by their desire to keep up with all their friends; some less-social people find it hard to get motivated to make plans at all. Think about what level and type of social activity brings you happiness and then make the effort to make it happen.
4.考虑对你来说有趣的事。不同的人喜欢的社交方式也不一样。可能你的朋友喜欢在周五的晚上一起喝喝酒,或者去看看电影。但可能你并不喜欢,你可以提议不同的方案。担负起塑造你社交环境的责任。一些社会人士一直想和朋友同步,但最后却落得精疲力尽的下场。一些不擅长社交的人会觉得提不起兴致制定计划。首先想想自己想要什么样的社交活动,然后再努力去参加这些活动使自己变得幸福。
5. Be wary of false choices. Sometimes people say, “I want to have a few close, real friends, not a bunch of superficial friends.” But that’s a false choice. There are all kinds of friends. I have intimate friends and casual friends. I have work friends whom I never see outside a professional context. I have childhood friends whom I see only once every ten years. I have several friends whose spouses I’ve never met. I have online friends whom I’ve never met face to face. These friendships aren’t all of equal importance to me, but they all add warmth and color to my life.

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